New Divide
by ShamelessSpocker
Summary: Even if it's a mistake, it hurts.  Jim finds out exactly what he's done to Spock.


You know me, music major to the end. The title and imagery come from Linkin Park's "New Divide." That song came into my life during a very difficult period and has haunted me ever since. I do not own the characters, nor the song. I'll return them with a receipt when I'm done, I promise.

* * *

Jim's eyes snapped open in shock, but he wasn't fast enough to stop what happened next.

Soft lips pressed against his. His mouth went slack, not returning the kiss, but not fighting it either. The kiss deepened, a tongue desperately sought entrance, but was denied. Fingers carded through Jim's hair, familiarizing themselves with his every nuance. The other hand pressed him steadily against the wall, anchoring him. He could break free, but was still too stunned to move. This would prove to be his undoing.

"Captain, I was wondering-" Spock came around the corner, PADD in one hand. When he looked up, he found Jim in a lip lock with the Jalbenian Prime Minister. She didn't even have the decency to look ashamed.

"Spock-" His mouth, finally freed, began to work again. Spock had gone still, paler than even he normally was, his brown eyes opened wide. "Spock, this isn't what it looks like." Gods, that line was so old and used that he should be laughing. But it was true. Spock had to believe him.

_T'hy'la, please, it's not what it looks like._

The more Jim pleaded, the sicker Spock felt. His mate, cheating on him. On the ship, where anyone could have found them. At least he'd had the decency to not take her to their bed. He supposed he should be thankful for small favors.

"Forgive me, Captain. You are obviously occupied with the Prime Minister. Excuse me."

"Spock!" Jim cried out, lunging after his retreating form. When Spock didn't stop, Jim whirled around angrily at the Prime Minister.

"Alright, explain yourself. Why did you do that, knowing I am bonded? How dare you-"

"I didn't see you putting up much of a fight," she chuckled breathily. "I thought we were on the same page. Had the same psychic connection."

"I have no psychic connection with anyone but my bond mate and husband!" Jim shouted. He didn't care that ensigns were coming down the hall and anyone could hear him. He felt sick. Waving her off with one hand, Jim walked away and back towards the conference. He had to speak to Spock.

_Spock? Spock, answer me?_ There was no answer across the bond. In fact, Spock had blocked Jim out, essentially the equivalent of throwing his hands up over his ears. _Spock? C'mon, how juvenile can you get? Answer me, dammit!_ Still no response.

Jim bypassed the conference room and headed straight for the turbolift. The bond was opened just enough that Jim could tell Spock was in their quarters. When the 'lift deposited him on his floor, Jim began running. Skidding to a halt, he keyed open the door.

"Spock?"

Spock hesitated in his packing, hearing his bond mate enter the room. He debated answering, and then decided there was nothing left to say. He folded the last of his blue shirts and placed it in the suitcase on the bed. Jim walked into the bedroom, arms folded across his chest.

"Just where do you think you're going?"

"I will be staying in my old science quarters. They were left unused when I vacated them." _When I came to be with you_ went unspoken but heard by both.

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Jim pleaded. "You haven't even let me explain my side of it."

Spock paused again wearily, closing his eyes. "Which side is that, Jim? Because both sides were pressed against each other. I do not see a difference in which side explains itself."

"_SHE_ kissed _ME!_ I didn't want to start a diplomatic incident by shoving her off me but next time-"

"That is the problem, Jim." Spock had stopped packing and had crossed his arms, almost holding himself. "There will always be a next time. If it had not been the Jalbenian Prime Minister it would have been the Consulate from New Vulcan or the Rabaard of Elzart. You are sought after and desired, and you do not stop to think what this does to me. You have never thought once what this attention means to me."

Jim had gone silent, guilt pricking at him. He knew he was popular, but Spock had a point. What did this attention mean to Spock? That there were others who felt they were better to woo and capture Jim than his lowly bond mate. No matter what Jim said, Spock would always feel he was less than capable of making his husband happy.

"There is no fault, Jim, except with me. I should have not forced you into a union with which you were not comfortable." And there it was - the broken voice that Jim fought so hard to prevent. This was killing Jim. But Spock was hurting too.

Spock closed the suitcase and picked it up.

"Goodbye, Captain." The shift from familiar to formal smacked the dazed man in the face, and Jim suddenly leapt forward.

"Spock, wait." Spock stopped and turned awkwardly back to Jim. "Come back for dinner. Just the two of us. We need to talk this out before it kills us." Spock nodded once, and escaped out into the hallway.

Jim punched the bulkhead, taking his frustration out on the inanimate object nearest him. He sat down at the computer and began typing furiously, sending out a message to the only one who would understand at this point. With nothing left to do but wait for a response, and nowhere safe to roam on the ship, Jim settled down.

A soft chime sounded, signaling an incoming call. Jim answered out of habit.

"Hello?"

"Captain Kirk. Am I calling at a bad time?" Jim smiled and rubbed his face.

"You could say it's a bad time, but never for you old friend. What's up?" Selek smiled fractionally and sat back in his chair.

"I received your message, and I must admit it was distressing. Spock has left your room?" There was no beating around the bush with him.

"Yeah, he went back to his old quarters he had when Pike was here. He said he'd come back for dinner though. I really fucked up, old man. I don't know how to fix this." He was almost in tears.

"Jim. You may have erred, but it is not the end. I am sure we can get Spock to listen to your side of the story if we give him the chance." The never-ending patience that was his trademark was coming in handy for Selek. "Let me speak with him, and I will let you know the outcome."

"I owe you big time. Thank you." When the connection cut, Jim leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. How could he ever make this up to Spock?

Spock was sitting in his old quarters, staring at the bulkheads. For a being who claimed not to have feelings, he was feeling a lot. Mainly a great sense of betrayal. Pain. Some confusion. Jim had acted so excited to bond with Spock, and Spock had to admit that up until today he had acted rather mature. His communicator chirped, and he answered.

"Spock here."

"Mr. Spock?" It was Uhura. "You have a personal call. The caller indicates they are unable to reach you in your quarters. Is there someplace you'd like me to patch it through to?" A personal call? If it was an outside source then it wasn't Jim.

"Transfer the call to 3F-218." The terminal in front of him turned on and the call connected. As soon as the face appeared, Spock had the irrational urge to plant his face in his palm.

"Ambassador."

"Spock. Do you intend to spend the night away from Jim?" There was no time wasted on pleasantries.

"I fail to see how this is any of your business." He wants to be rude, I can be rude back, Spock thought.

"Jim has contacted me. He is greatly distressed at the events that have unfolded today. He wishes to make amends to you." Spock blinked slowly, his version of a long sigh.

"There are no amends to be made, except that I break the bond with him. He is not ready to be in a committed relationship." A snort of disbelief crackled through the speakers.

"If he truly wanted to be free of you, why has he contacted me, at the visible edge of tears?" Selek demanded. Spock went still. Jim was crying over him? "Meld with him. You know he can hide nothing from you there. Demand your answers there, if you do not believe me or him."

The idea had merit. Spock agreed and cut the channel without further explanation. Jim _would_ have had to have gone to the one being Spock respected in these matters. He apparently wasn't above fighting dirty to get Spock back.

When dinner came, Spock found himself outside his usual quarters, debating on ringing the bell or just walking in. He didn't feel he had the right to simply enter without requesting permission. Finally, he rang the bell. Jim answered the door promptly. He was in his dress uniform. The chess table had been cleared, and covered with a simple linen table cloth. There were two candles burning in holders on the table, between two real china plates. Jim had apparently gone to no small length for tonight. Spock was faintly reminded of their courtship period, and had to avoid a small smile.

"Mr. Spock," Jim greeted formally.

"Captain." It felt more comfortable sticking to titles for now. He entered and looked around. Nothing had been broken, so Jim had not been raging as badly as he had that one time after losing fifteen crewmen to hostile natives on Bleava-II. However, the room smelled faintly of Spock's old meditation incense. Jim had been burning it to remind himself of Spock.

They sat through a most uncomfortable and awkward dinner. Very little was said, outside of compliments on the food. At the end, Jim cleared the table and sat back down, fidgeting with the table cloth.

"I guess you'll want to leave now," he began, and to Spock he sounded absolutely desolate.

"I have a request to make of you," Spock answered. "Would you be willing to meld with me, to show me the events of today as you saw them?" Jim looked ready to jump for joy.

"Oh, yes, Spock, of course." Spock rose and carried his chair closer to Jim's. Settling in front of him, Spock reached for Jim's psi points gently.

"My mind to your mind…" _My thoughts to your thoughts._

The transition was a rough one. Jim found himself blinking in the darkness. He was in a desert at night. Lightning crashed overhead in strange slow motion. Spock was obviously greatly distressed.

"_Okay, Spock, what do you want to see?"  
_

"_For now, I want you to see what you have done to me,"_ Spock answered. Everywhere Jim looked, there were memories of the two of them. Each one had cracks running through it, like shattered glass. Something began to fall from the sky, and Jim thought at first it was snow. But then he saw they were ashes.

"_Do you see, t'hy'la? Do you see what you have done?"_ Jim felt his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

"_I'm sorry, Spock, gods I'm sorry, let me show you!"_ Jim flung the first memory at him. The Prime Minister was laughing at his joke, but she was laughing a little too much, and too close. In the memory, Jim backed away slightly. Alarm bells were sounding in his mind.

Then the Prime Minister cornered Jim in the hallway. She traced her fingers up his arm, and he moved out of her path. She pouted, and then lunged forward, placing her lips on Jim's.

"_Shit, Spock, what was I supposed to do? Hit her?"_ Jim saw Spock come around the corner, and hope leapt up in his mind. But Spock assumed the worst. Spock did not defend Jim, but left him there to deal with her alone. Spock had betrayed Jim just as surely as Jim had betrayed Spock.

Spock broke the meld, gasping slightly. Jim could feel pain across the bond, and became concerned.

"Spock?"

"_T'hy'la_, I apologize. I did not realize you were hoping for me to rescue you. I thought it was a mutual attraction." Jim reached for Spock's hand, rubbing his thumb comfortingly over Spock's knuckles.

"I may have carried the title of 'Tomcat' before I was with you, but all those silly actions died away the moment you came into my life. I have been unerringly faithful to you ever since you came on board the ship. I never want to be with anyone else ever. Please believe me, Spock. Please come home." He was openly pleading at that point, but he didn't care.

Spock hesitated.

"What?" Jim asked in confusion.

"Are you sure you want me back?" Spock questioned timidly. Jim crushed Spock in a bear hug.

"Yes, _t'hy'la_, come home. Come back to me."

Spock kissed Jim.

"I will return in 3.6 minutes with my belongings. And Jim?" Jim looked up. "Please thank the Ambassador for me."

Spock left to get his belongings. Jim went to place the call to New Vulcan. It's nice to have friends, Jim thought. It's even nicer to be loved.


End file.
